What do you do when your thirteen-year-old knows more than you do about cyberspace? How do you guide your teenagers safely through this new world? How do you set the rules when you don't even understand the risks? The childproof locks, seatbelts and helmets you use to help keep them safe in everyday life won't protect them in cyberspace. Here you need new and different gadgets and safety tips.

Parenthood is never easy and the ground rules are always changing. You go from playing the role of confidante, to co-conspirator, to police chief, to teacher, to playmate and back...all in the same day. And you barely have the chance to catch your breath.

Some Basic Rules for You to Remember as a Parent . . .

Your online safety cheatsheet

• Make sure your teenager doesn't spend all of his/her time on the computer. People, not computers, should be their best friends and companions.
• Keep the computer in a family room, kitchen or living room, not in your teenager's bedroom.
• Learn enough about computers so you can enjoy them together with your kids.
• Teach them never to meet an online friend offline unless you know about it.
• Watch your teenagers when they're online and see where they go.
• Make sure that your teenagers feel comfortable coming to you with questions and don't over react if things go wrong.
• Encourage discussions between you and your teenager about what they enjoy online.
• Discuss these rules, get your teenagers to agree to adhere to them, and post them near the computer as a reminder.
• Teach them what information they can share with others online and what they can't.
• Get to know their "online friends" just as you get to know all of their other friends.
• Warn them that people may not be what they seem to be and that people they chat with are not their friends, they are just people they chat with.

CyberSense

...translating common sense for cyberspace

Don't talk to or accept anything from strangers. That's the first one you learn while growing up, and the first one you teach your kids. The problem in cyberspace though is teaching "stranger danger." Online, it's hard to spot the strangers.

The people they chat with enter your home using your computer. Our kids feel safe with us seated nearby. Their "stranger" alerts aren't functioning in this setting. You need to remind them that these people are strangers, and that all of the standard stranger rules apply.

You also must teach them that anyone can masquerade as anyone else online. The "13-year-old" girl they have been talking to may prove to be forty-five year old man. It's easy for your teenagers to spot an adult in a schoolyard, but not as easy to do the same in cyberspace.

Don't let them provoke fights. Trying to provoke someone in cyberspace is called "flaming." It violates the Twinners "terms of service" online and will certainly get a reaction from other people online.

Flaming matches can be heated, long and extended battles, moving from a chat room or discussion group to e-mail quickly. If your teenager feels that someone is flaming them, they should tell you and the moderator in charge right away and get offline or surf another area. They shouldn't try to defend themselves or get involved in retaliation. It's a battle they can never win.

Don't let them tell people personal things about themselves. One never really knows who they are talking to online. And even if they think they know who they are talking to, there could be strangers lurking and reading their posts without letting you know that they are there. Don't let your teenagers put personal information on profiles. It's like writing one's personal diary on a billboard.

With teenagers especially, sharing personal information puts them at risk. Make sure your teenagers understand what you consider personal information, and agree to keep it confidential online and everywhere else.

Also teach your teenagers not to give away too much information at twinners.com, in order to register or enter a contest, unless they ask your permission first. And, before you give your permission, make sure you have read the twinners.com privacy policy, in which we state that we treat personal information responsibly.

Get to know their online friends, just as you would get to know their friends in everyday life. Talk to your teenagers about where they go online, and who they talk too. Don't just set up the computer in the corner of their bedroom, and leave them to surf alone. Take a look at their computer monitor every once in awhile, it keeps them honest. Sit at their side while they compute when you can. It will help you set rules that make sense for your teenager. It also gives you an unexpected benefit...you'll get a personal computing lesson from the most affordable computer expert you know!

And it's worth the effort. When your teenagers surf the Internet, they are learning skills that they will need for their future. They become explorers in cyberspace, where they explore ideas and discover new information. Also, because there is no race, gender or disability online, the Internet is the one place where your teenagers can be judged by the quality of their ideas, rather than their physical attributes.

..when you need a little help

There are many tools available to help parents control and monitor where their teenagers surf online. Some even help regulate how much time a teenager spends playing computer games, or prevent their accessing the Internet during certain preset times.

Recently, given parents' concerns about strangers communicating with their teenagers online, monitoring software has gained in popularity. Although it might have its place in protecting a troubled teenager, it feels more like "spyware" than teenager protection. But it's ultimately your choice as a parent. To read more about various products and services, visit WiredKids.org and WiredPatrol.org.